Episode 757: All of them witches

Undead blonde fire witch Laura is in the act of driving a stake into the heart of vampire Barnabas when she is interrupted by another undead blonde fire witch, Angelique. Angelique announces that she will always be there to thwart any attempt to stake Barnabas, which rather tends to deflate the suspense inherent in having a protagonist who is a vampire. The two of them exchange threats, and Laura finds that she can hold Angelique at bay by generating the right kind of fire.

Laura leaves Barnabas’ house. His unwilling sidekick, thoroughly human witch Magda, sees her and asks what she was doing there. Laura does not answer, but Angelique enters and tells her. Angelique says that Barnabas would doubtless wreak a terrible vengeance if he found out what had happened while Magda was away. Angelique orders Magda to go to the great house of Collinwood and fetch a fourth witch, black magic enthusiast Quentin. Magda complies reluctantly.

Quentin is falling down drunk, which is not unusual. He has a better excuse than he typically does, however, since he just found out that Magda turned him into a werewolf. He is furious to see her. He says that no matter what she thinks, he will not “lie down and die!” This elicits a laugh from Magda, who points out that he can barely stand up. She tells him that Angelique has ordered him to come to Barnabas’ house, and that he cannot oppose her.

In the house, Angelique tells Quentin he must help her defend Barnabas from Laura. Quentin moans that he is in no condition to help anyone, which only makes Angelique impatient. Unlike her and Magda, Quentin does not know that Barnabas is a vampire, so Angelique keeps reminding herself to say that Barnabas has gone away for the day and that Laura will be a threat to him when he comes back tonight. Quentin tells Angelique about a trinket Laura received from some of the gods of ancient Egypt that keeps her alive, and she sends Magda to steal it from her.

Magda goes to Laura’s cottage. Magda tells Laura that she has more reason to hate Barnabas than she does, since Barnabas enslaved her husband Sandor. She wants Barnabas to be destroyed, but if Laura tells the authorities about him Sandor, too, will be killed. The dramatic date is 1897, and the state of Maine abolished the death penalty in 1887, so Magda is afraid of an extrajudicial killing rather than an execution for complicity in Barnabas’ murders.

Laura tells her that it is necessary to expose Barnabas if he is to be destroyed, but Magda tells her of another way. She says that vampires can be killed by silver bullets through the heart. Laura goes to get money for Magda to buy silver and have it made into bullets. While she is out of the room, Magda steals the trinket. It seems that Magda has given herself a chance to get rid of both Laura and Barnabas.

Once Angelique has the trinket, she tells Quentin that he will have to perform a ceremony using his copy of the Egyptian Book of the Dead. He is still heavily hungover and balks at the orders, but she gives him no choice. Once he starts his incantation, he breaks into a big smile, clasps the book to his chest, and preaches the phrases like a megachurch pastor when the collection plates are circulating. We cut to Angelique. Her expression is so admiring it is hard to tell whether the reaction is the character’s or the actress’. Angelique does some mumbo-jumbo with objects in the fireplace.

In her cottage, Laura struggles. She looks frantically for the trinket, then prays to Amun-Ra. The final shot of her is filtered to distort her image. It turns her eyes into little black coals, which is an effective visual metaphor.

Screenshot by Dark Shadows Before I Die.

Laura has been important in the history of the show and is key to this little period of the plot, but it is fairly clear that she is a short-timer now. All she cares about is taking her children away and burning them to death so that she can renew her own existence, and she keeps saying she is on a tight deadline for that project. We can be sure she won’t succeed, and even if she does she will be off the show. So she really could die, making the cliffhanger more suspenseful than usual.

Soaps classically divided the days of the week so that very little happened on Tuesday or Wednesday, Thursdays were devoted to plot mechanics setting up a big development, Fridays would show that big development and end with a memorable cliffhanger, and Mondays would resolve the cliffhanger and give a lot of recap to bring new viewers up to speed. Dark Shadows never followed this formula. These last three episodes are a case in point. #755 was all about Laura trying and failing to figure out whether Barnabas was a vampire. That was a mid-week throwaway if ever there was one, but it aired on a Friday. Yesterday she got confirmation that he was, and we ended with a fine cliffhanger with her holding the stake and mallet beside Barnabas’ open coffin. That aired on Monday, but was a perfect Thursday scene-setter. Today, a Tuesday, we have a whiz-bang battle of the witches, with new alignments and new dangers, a great Friday climax with a cliffhanger fitting for the end of any week.

Violet Welles was far and away the best writer of dialogue on Dark Shadows, and today’s script is so full of gems that even the plot summary on the Dark Shadows wiki is full of quotes. I can hardly blame the editor for that deviation from the usual format, there is so much good stuff I would have been tempted to transcribe the entire script if someone else had not already done so.

Episode 599: If you open it, something terrible will happen

Maggie Evans, The Nicest Girl in Town, is wandering in the woods. She is wearing her nightgown and staggering for lack of food. She has just escaped from the hidden chamber in the old Collins family mausoleum, where Willie Loomis had been holding her prisoner for some days.

Maggie in the woods.

Willie had abducted Maggie because he wanted to protect her from the evil plans of his master, recovering vampire Barnabas Collins, and Barnabas’ friend, mad scientist Julia Hoffman. Because of his choice of hiding place he found that he had a new problem on his hands even after Barnabas and Julia had moved on to another victim. When Barnabas was in the full grip of the vampire curse in May and June of 1967, he had preyed upon Maggie, and the hidden chamber was one of the places he had taken her for torture.

After Maggie escaped from Barnabas, she was taken to a mental hospital. Julia was her psychiatrist, and in August 1967 she abused her position to hypnotize Maggie into forgetting her ordeal. When Willie took her to the hidden chamber, Maggie’s memory quickly came back. Willie is hopelessly dependent on Barnabas and Julia, and could see no alternative to keeping Maggie locked up once she became a threat to them. Yesterday, young David Collins found Maggie and freed her, and now she is trying to find her way to the sheriff’s office to tell her story.

It occurs to Maggie that the sheriff might not believe her once she starts accusing a member of the family that owns the town of being a vampire. He might be particularly skeptical when her psychiatrist comes along and tells them about how she behaved while she was an inmate in the mental hospital. Maggie decides that her ex-fiancé, the lately unemployed Joe Haskell, will believe her story and protect her, so she sets off for his apartment.

Maggie opens Joe’s door to find a blonde woman with her mouth on his neck. She faints. When she comes to, the woman is gone and Joe is apologizing for his inability to explain what is going on. Maggie tells him he doesn’t have to explain. She understands perfectly what has been happening to him, since the same thing happened to her. The woman is a vampire, and Joe has been showing the same symptoms Maggie showed when Barnabas started feeding on her.

Maggie urges Joe to leave town with her, right now. They should get in his car and drive, just drive until they are far, far away. Joe’s eyes are bright and he repeats the key words, clearly excited about the idea. It seems for a moment they might give it a try. A knock comes at the door. Maggie begs Joe not to answer it, but he is compelled to do so. Perhaps this is a symptom of being under the vampire’s power. Or perhaps it may just be a sign that he is a character on Dark Shadows, which usually devotes about 10% of its screen time to people answering doors. At the end of the scene, it is clear that Joe will answer the door, but we do not see what happens next.

Later that evening, Maggie Evans, The Nicest Girl in Town, is at home looking at some sketches her late father made. She is wearing a red dress under a smart blue jacket, her hair well-styled. She seems quite=the comfortable. She answers the door, and finds old world gentleman Barnabas Collins and Barnabas’ servant, the high-strung Willie. They tell her that Joe had stopped by their house and brought them a message that Maggie wants to see them.

Maggie happily invites her old friends in. She shows them the sketches, and tells them her late father made them the year before while he was preparing to paint a portrait of Barnabas. She says it occurred to her Barnabas might want the sketches. He accepts them gratefully, and asks if that was the only reason she wanted to see them. Smiling, she says that it was. She mentions that she hasn’t seen Willie for three or four weeks. Willie agrees that she has not seen him in that time. Barnabas says they will have to be going; Maggie is disappointed they can’t stay for a cup of coffee.

Maggie wishes her friends Barnabas and Willie could stay longer.

Returning viewers will already know what Barnabas and Willie figure out in the final scene, that suave warlock Nicholas wiped Maggie’s memory. Unlike the, we are familiar with the plot mechanics that would have motivated Nicholas to do this.

The contrast between the frantic urgency of the scene between Maggie and Joe and the subsequent placidity of the scene in Maggie’s house makes for an effective single episode. The gold standard of anthology series, The Twilight Zone, often drew just that contrast as people would struggle more and more desperately for freedom, that struggle would mount to a fever pitch in a scene that seemed like it just might lead to something, then an event we don’t quite see thwarts them and all of a sudden everything is calm and peaceful and utterly hopeless. Three of my favorite examples are “Number Twelve Looks Just Like You,” “It’s a Good Life,” and “The Lateness of the Hour.” It’s especially piquant to see that scenario play out so much of the story is presented to us from the viewpoint of the villains. Barnabas and Julia generate so much of the show’s interest that none of its fans really wants to see them get their just deserts, and so it makes us squirm a bit when we see that they can evade punishment only by a triumph of evil over good. Writer Ron Sproat deserves credit for developing this structure expertly.

But Dark Shadows is not an anthology series, and as a segment in an ongoing serial, the whole thing is quite frustrating. When Maggie understands what is happening to Joe and can talk to him about it, there is a chance they will be able to make plans and take action that might have consequences for the story. But the mind-wipe just takes the last several weeks of the show and throws them in the trash. All that time we spent cooped up with Maggie and Willie in the hidden chamber? Never mind, it wasn’t important.

In a comment on Danny Horn’s Dark Shadows Every Day, “Mark Perigard” wonders what might have been:

The scenes between Maggie and Joe are just brilliant. For viewers, it’s like we’re being treated to a seven-course meal we’ve been promised for over a year – and then they snatch the tray away and tell us to suck on crumbs.

How incredible – how daring would it have been to show Maggie fighting for Joe’s sanity and life against the supernatural forces of Collinwood? DS would have a truly proactive heroine. One can imagine Maggie ultimately, reluctantly forming an alliance with Barnabas and Julia against Angelique and Nicholas.

Instead we got another mind-wipe. We was robbed.

Comment left at 11:46 Pacific time, 6 March 2015 by “Mark Perigard,” on “Episode 599: Live, Die, Repeat,” Danny Horn, Dark Shadows Every Day

I can see how that might have played out. Maggie gets to the sheriff’s office and tells him her whole story. He listens intently and instructs his assistant to take notes. When she finishes, he says “Bring her in.” The assistant goes to the door and ushers Julia in. “It’s just as you said, doctor,” the sheriff says. “She has lost her mind completely.”

Maggie would then go back to the mental hospital. While she was there, Nicholas would try to get at her. He would overplay his hand and reveal that he is a warlock. Maggie would realize that Nicholas is responsible for the vampire attack on Joe and that he is at odds with Barnabas and Julia. That’s when she makes her uneasy alliance with her old tormentors and the story really gets going.

Laramie Dean’s Shadows on the Wall posted a scan of the script for this one in August 2016, it’s interesting to see it side by side with a transcript of the dialogue that was actually delivered.